Holosync Level 4.1: When all the stories collapse…
Holosync Level 4.1: When all the stories collapse in one go
I did promise earlier that I would write some kind of explanation for my disappearance from blogging. After months of writing two and three posts a day, I’ve been silent for days at a time.
Some of it has been because WordPress wasn’t working brilliantly, but there are ways around that, and I’ve been making use of them when I needed to. The story behind the story was that I suddenly found myself unable to keep writing about the things I was writing, and nothing new had yet emerged in my life.
It started when all the mental stories started to collapse. I’ve read books like ‘The Power of Now’ and I know Byron Katie’s story, about how they suddenly found themselves without a mind. All the chattering stopped as they stopped believing their thoughts. For me, it’s been a slower process.
I told my coach in my first session that I was bored of the story I’d trotted out time and again about my life. He simply asked who I’d be without the story, and at that point, I was free of it. It was as though I’d said “Yes” to a process I’d imagined I was involved in but had never really committed to before. Like opening the floodgates, everything was released.
When I’ve discussed how the mind creates illusions and we live according to mental stories and conditioning, some people respond by saying they invented new stories. This isn’t the case here. This isn’t about creating new, prettier illusions. It’s been an intense process of completely falling apart, but then just sitting in the silence that’s opened up as that happened.
There were times when I couldn’t get out of bed. Resistance came in enormous waves, when I felt as though I was being hurled against a brick wall repeatedly, or hit over the head with a lump mallet. Yet there was always the powerful sense that this wasn’t something that required writing about, but just experiencing, in the moment, as it was.
It has also felt as though it wasn’t a big deal. This is the bizarre thing about the whole process, the unfolding. Whereas I used to be so excited to come here and write about a new discovery I’d made about my mind and what I was thinking, now I found myself cutting off posts and then never even considering writing about them. What’s the point – if it’s all illusion anyway?
I’ve also stayed away from the theory behind how this might work in the brain, or what this means spiritually. The way my mind worked had come so far adrift from what I was experiencing in my daily life, it had to come to an end. It’s been very much like giving up anorexia six years ago. I had outgrown the structure of my thoughts, and the effect was a sudden explosion of change.
I use a process called ‘Inquiry’, which is a cross between Adyashanti’s spiritual Inquiry and Byron Katie’s more mind-centred ‘The Work’. I notice that very often, when we work on limiting beliefs – and when I’d worked on them in the past – I was so attached to them they simply couldn’t change. We often begin conversations where we own beliefs as though they were real, without turning them over and just challenging them outright. The moment I began to do that, they fell apart.
Early on when I began to use Holosync, I’d made use of the witness, which is what Bill Harris recommends for ‘watching your thoughts’. Adyashanti regards this as being a part of the ego, or mind, and while it’s useful, I found myself going into deeper and deeper places. In the last week or so (this whole thing has taken so far around eight or nine weeks), I’ve found myself with a silent mind more and more often. In that silence, more conditioning arises to be processed. It’s impossible to maintain a story for any length of time, because there is the powerful sense that anything that arises in the mind is going to be nonsense unless you have a calculator to prove it.
My life totally unhooked itself. Acting, speaking and thinking differently, I’ve been absolutely indebted to my coach, and particularly to friends like James who’ve had the commitment to sit and sometimes watch the process of thought patterns falling apart in front of their eyes. It does feel crazy at times, to find myself getting involved with a story about something, pull myself up short and realise it’s just imagination at work.
All through this, I’ve kept using Holosync daily. The whole event began around the time I started Holosync Level 4.1, but I wouldn’t guarantee that you could suddenly expect your entire mind to start to dissolve at that level. I’ve been wondering if it was intensified by using Holosync, but there’s no way to know for certain, since unfortunately I don’t have a handy MRI scanner to prove it (wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could). It does mean that I’ve been less and less directly impacted by Holosync and the material it brings up.
Detachment is the key. I get a lot of people writing to me who say that it’s making them angry, or depressed, or confused. The key lies not just in saying ‘Holosync is making me angry’, but understanding what the anger is, what the thoughts and other feelings are behind it. Most crucially, it’s about having the courage to go right into the emotion without resistance to get that kind of clarity. It’s not exactly easy, because we’re hardwired as human beings to avoid things that hurt, and go for the good emotions. Yet it’s going into the deepest struggling, the places where we suffer the most, that we find freedom. It’s like unlocking the prison by really taking the time to look at it, rather than trying to climb out of the barred window or pretending the prison simply isn’t there.
I will try to come back and write more about this experience, and detail how what I’m doing works more clearly. In the meantime, I seem to have encountered a freedom I never really believed possible before. In some ways, it’s like being a completely different person.
